Being a bride was one of the most exciting, educational and meaningful experiences of my life. In the process I learned about my family, my friends, my spouse and more importantly, I learned a little more about myself. And, in this, I was not alone. This season, I met with young married women who had similar experiences and learnings along the way to becoming their lovers’ Mrs. In this episode, I sit down with five beautiful single ladies to discuss the season's themes as well as hear from them on their biggest learns from the season.
One topic which seemed to be bubbling away for a week before the listener discussion was around the bride price, lobola. This is one practice which, from my view, is misunderstood. Generally speaking, I think there is not enough information about our customs and practices as Africans for new generations to learn about and appreciate.
This was Rice and Roses, hosted by me, Lungiswa Mosoeu, written by Reatile Mosoeu, an original podcast series produced and brought to you by PieSlovakiaDance.
{Introduction}
*Music - prayer fade in
Blessed are you, O Lord our God,
for you have created joy and gladness,
pleasure and delight, love, peace and fellowship.
Pour out the abundance of Your blessing
on my husband and I in our new life together.
Let our love for each other be a seal on our hearts
and a crown on our heads.
Bless us in our work and in our companionship;
awake and asleep,
in joy and in sorrow,
in life and in death.
Finally, in Your mercy, bring us to that banquet
where Your saints feast for ever in Your heavenly home.
We ask this through Jesus Christ your Son, our Lord,
who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit,
one God, now and forever. Amen.
The words of this prayer and similar prayers are recited by many young women on their wedding day; spoken as they robe themselves into their wedding dress and step out of their home to be bound in love to their spouse for ever.
*Music - fade out
My name is Lungiswa Ngwaziyamiyaya Mosoeu. And, throughout the season I met with and spoke to everyday women, like me, to find out the story of how they got their dress, and how the traditions they grew up in informed their wedding day decisions. This is Rice & Roses.
{Narration: opening}
Being a bride was one of the most exciting, educational and meaningful experiences of my life. In the process I learned about my family, my friends, my spouse and more importantly, I learned a little more about myself. And, in this, I was not alone. This season, I met with young married women who had similar experiences and learnings along the way to becoming their lovers’ Mrs.
*Audio clip: Nyaki, Wandi, Phindi, Masego
We will spend a little time going through some of my favourite takeouts from this season, as well as hear from five of our listeners, and(!) I will be answering listener questions all in this final episode of Rice & Roses.
*Music - theme
{Narration: Marriage Reservations}
*Audio clip: Group Banter
The audio in the background is from my pizza and sweets date with some of the show’s listeners at the PieSlovakiaDance studios. I gathered them together to have a group discussion on the topics of weddings, love, culture and marriage.
In the room with me were Lebo, Axel, Tshidi, Tshepang and Zukiswa. Some of the prettiest single ladies I have seen. Gents, gents...you sleeping. Come on.
*Music - fade in, Afternoon Liquify
*Audio clip: Do you wanna get married?
{Narration: Single Life}
Lebo’s sentiment on staying single is shared by many women today. In this, she is not alone - get it? She is not ‘alone’ :) *chuckle*. These are some of the top reasons sighted by long time single women:
*Music: fadeout
{Narration: Relationship Life}
*Audio clip: TTZ on yes to marriage
*Audio clip: Zuki on wedding day motivation
Fantasies of the wedding day play their part in getting hopeful couples across the line. It is not only in wearing the dream dress and perfect ring for prospective brides, but also in being able to flaunt them for all to see and admire.
One of the questions I received concerned the engagement ring.
*Audio clip - Tshepang asking on who buys ring
There is no one way on how this is done. Some ladies are quite specific about the ring they want, while others do not want to get involved in that part of the process; seeking to be overwhelmed with joy at their fiance’s romantic gesture. But, for many women, it kind of happens like it did for Masego.
*Audio clip - Masego on engagement ring
*Music - Midnight Loof, fade in
{Narration: Thoughts on season}
As the days drew nearer to our pizza date, my guests’ intrigue and excitement grew. Honestly speaking, I think I was more intrigued to sit down with them though. I really wanted to know how they found the season, and what learnings they picked up along the way.
Here is Axel, my little sister’s response.
*Music - fadeout
* Audio clip: Axel on her thoughts of the season
The ‘lady’ ngwana wa ko hae is refering to Nyaki Tshabangu. We sat down with her in episode 5, where she spoke in detail about the strained relationship she had with her now mother-in-law in the build up to her wedding day.
* Audio clip: Nyaki on why her mother-in-law was not at her wedding
*Music - Wrong by Liquify, fade in
{Narration: Life Ups and Downs}
In all, I have learned that we can only hope that things go well. But, more often than not, the reality is that something tends to go against the script. And, when that happens, as in our season’s first guest’s case, rewrite the script.
* Voice clip: Wandy on impact of covid
{Narration: Lobola questions}
One topic which seemed to be bubbling away for a week before the listener discussion was around the bride price, lobola. This is one practice which, from my view, is misunderstood. Generally speaking, I think there is not enough information about our customs and practices as Africans for new generations to learn about and appreciate. Here is Tshepang, in the listener discussion, sharing her thoughts on lobola.
* Voice clip: Tshepang enquiring on lobola
Depending on who you ask, people give differing answers as to the purpose of lobola. The story that convinces me is one of a prospective husband, or head of his family, giving a ‘gift’ of appreciation and acknowledgement to his prospective wife’s family as a gesture of respect and honour for raising their bride.
*Music - fade in, Rainy day
Here is an extended clip of my mother discussing the topic of lobola further.
*Voice clip: mom on lobola
Music - fadeout
*Audio clip: superstition - end at Zuki’s opening line
I encountered this same answer all throughout my wedding process. Each time something came up that was expected of me to do or not to do, I would ask my elders the question, ‘why’. And most of the questions about superstitions were answered with even more superstitions. The elders, for the most part, just did not seem to know. And if they don’t know, then who must know?
{Narrator: Kotisa}
I played the following clip from episode 4 for my five guests and asked them to share their thoughts and feelings on the subject matter.
*Audio clip: Masego on drie footing
*Music - fade in, Afternoon by Liquify
*Audio clip: Group response to Kotising
{Narrator: Closing}
There were a lot of other questions that came up in my chat with these young ladies, most of which were specifically about marriage and married life. That part of our discussion and the rest of the questions are a subject for a different podcast. And, for a bit of news, PieSlovakiaDance is entering the production phase of a marriage focused show that seeks to do a deep dive into topics of the day-to-day of married life. It should be out within a year.
So, what are my general thoughts about this first season of Rice & Rose? How would I wish to see the show improve in the second season, and where are we going from here?
First, I loved being part of the making of this amazing show, and interacting with you as the audience has been an eye-opening experience for me. I am energised to grow together with this community of listeners. I think, how we improve and where we go from here are linked. I want to see this show make more meaningful connections between members of its community, including me. Many of us African women have stories to tell and if we can continue to provide and grow this platform for black women to share ideas and experiences then I think we would have achieved something important.
I have really been considering my final epilogue. This show has offered value to so many including myself and so I want to share a considered goodbye as best as I can muster. So here it is: culture today makes a strong case for why young people, more especially us girls, should not look to get married. Reasons forwarded include marriage being an outdated practice; that independence is paramount, even at the exclusion of all else; and, intersectional ideological teachings like marriage being a system of oppression for women. I hear these, and I do not disagree with them generally, they just don’t resonate with so many of us young women who do not see marriage as a trap, but rather as something meaningful and central to our lives.
*Music - fadeout
I got wed because I value the institution of marriage. And, even as I look back I do not regret the decision I made to have a wedding and get married. It was worth it. The wedding process is filled with pain and suffering, joy and significance; testing of character, challenging of old ideas; building of resilience, and strength newly discovered. This description, everything I just described...that is what marriage is filled with too. It’s as they say, the first day of the rest of your lives. Your wedding day is what you make it, challenges and all. And so is your life. Much love.
{Narrator: Credits}
* Music - theme fade in
This was Rice and Roses, hosted by me, Lungiswa Mosoeu, written by Reatile Mosoeu, an original podcast series produced and brought to you by PieSlovakiaDance.
* Effect - PSD call out